I feel like shit today...

For reasons I won't go into. Suffice to say, I feel like I'm facing choices, roads, none of whom I want to take. Nether of the two obvious options that seem to be staring up at me are acceptable to me. So, I guess I'll just take the shit that's being tossed, duck and cover, like always, and soldier on, even though it leaves me feeling castrated and empty. It's just the only way I know how to do things. A life's training is a fast train' to try to jump from.

Oh, I guess I'm just tired right now. I got about three hours of sleep last night. Got up at 6:45 to shower, dress and head to work, and won't get back home tonight till after pool league play is over, maybe by 11:30 PM.

I don't think life is supposed to be like this, or is it? I don't know. I only know my heart. It's just about the only thing I have control over any more. But then even that is proving to be an illusion.

You know how, when you're reeling through the ups and downs of a relationship, the old music you've heard a million times can suddenly sound new and brilliantly clear to you? It's like they're talking directly to you? I was walkin' through a store a while back and heard this one again.



I almost started ballin' right there in Dillard's. It surprised the hell out of me. I made sure no one saw the emotions in my face. Then I'd have to explain the feelings. God knows what that would lead to? Certainly not a resolution. That's nowhere in sight.

Sometimes I think I was better off sittin' in my room and lettin' life pass me by, but that's just silly. I'd never go back there. That life almost destroyed my soul. The memories of that time make this pain easier to bare, but the baring of it... it's tedious in the EXTREME.

So indulge me in a little musical interlude, to restore and fuel my soul for the rest of the day.









OK, I guess I feel a bit better. Anyway, back to work. The library's closing. Cheers!