Monday, October 19, 2009

How to become, and/or stay a fat hairy bastard, in a few easy lessons.

Lesson one: Spend most of your life eatin' every fuckin' thing in sight, so that in time, you develop, along with a nice set o' man boobs, a jelly belly and a dick wrap, an amazing capacity for overindulgence. It's easy. Go ahead. Really. It's fun!

Case in point: On the way to Nashville (flyin' out of Killeen), the evening after we went to that Kings Of Leon concert, Denise and I stopped for a two hour layover in Dallas. We were there long enough to enjoy a few drinks and a comfortable visit a T.G.I. Fridays for dinner. OK, it's not my favorite place, but in a pinch... They just happened to be sending wonderful, delicious smelling aromas wafting through the airport terminal. Being an eating machine, that's usually all the prompting I need to make these kinda decisions.

There now, doesn't it look GOOD! That's one of their Jack Daniel's Burgers, with Provolone cheese, a few strips of bacon on a toasted bun, with their special Jack Daniel's glaze. Mmmmm, good! And the onion rings were good too. It all hit the spot.

We landed in Nashville at a little after midnight, rented a car and drove up to Bowling Green. When we got there, at about 1:30 in the AM, Denise got her first look at her new granddaughter.

Check out the glee on her face. Her daugher doesn't want us to post any pictures of the baby, so I'll respect that wish here.

Saturday afternoon, Denise and I drove up to Elizabethtown. Her other daughter, Chantell, was having a birthday. We all got together at the Texas Roadhouse and enjoyed a good dinner.

Mmmm, that's one of their Bacon Chedder burgers, It's a ½ lb. burger topped with cheddar cheese, shredded lettuce, sliced tomato, and onions, with big wedge fries on the side. It comes as you see, so you have to hoist one half of the thing onto the other yourself, smush it together and try to fit it in your mouth. Of course, being a professional, it's never a problem for me.

Denise and I provided the birthday cake. It's a mint chocolate chip cake from Baskin and Robbins. It's Tilly's favorite. Back when I was just a little eater, my favorite was a conventional chocolate chip cake. Mom would bake me a chocolate cake for my birthday and then maybe a lemon meringue pie, but now and then she'd get me one of these B&R cakes too. That kina hints at another road towards becomin' a fat hairy bastard. But I'm not gonna go there. I own my own blubber. Mom might have driven me there, but I'm the one who keeps goin' back for extra helpings.

The next night, back down in Bowling Green, Denise decided to treat her younger daughter a nice English meal at their house. It was a traditional British Sunday roast, with a beautifully baked roast beef, mashed potatoes, brussels sprouts, carrots, and Yorkshire Puddings.

I'm not much for gravy on my roast beef, so I tossed a little General Tso's sauce on there and chowed down. Mmmm, it was all good. I used to use BBQ sauce, but the general has shoved that stuff aside, at least on some things.

My flight left Nashville Monday afternoon, so after sayin' goodbye to everyone and givin' Denise a parting squeeze, I drove our rental car back down to Nashville and began my return journey. I spent just enough time in Dallas to get from one terminal to another and then landed back in Killeen at about 6:40PM. Surprisingly, they didn't loose my bag.

It was good to be home, but with Denise stayin' behind in Kentucky, I'd be lonesome for a week. I had to keep myself busy until Denise flew home on Friday. I'll lay out how I did that in the next post. Cheers.


BRUNO said...

Yeah, TGI-Fridays IS pretty far down on the cuisine-list, ain't it? Why, the only way I'd eat there, is if somebody else paid for my food!

You lucky, Fat Hairy Bastard, you...!!!

FHB said...

Well, maybe, on my next visit. Unless there's a Chinese food place we can scare the shit out of.

BRUNO said...

Nah, I wanna go back to the Outback Steak House, where I smashed the picture-phone of that lil' weenie who was takin' pictures of me eatin'!(Or at least trying to eat!)Remember THAT story? Probably not! It was a good while back.

Figger with a little "help", it'd be almost as exciting as "the good YOUNG-days", when all it took for a good-fight to get started was for someone to walk-in, and say out-loud:"Hey, is it true that Marines and Sailors come out of the same box of Cracker-Jacks???"

I'll hog-tie 'em, an' you can ride 'em around yellin'"SQUEAL LAK' A PIG!" while ya' do...!!!

FHB said...

I do remember that. You should'a beat his ass and taken a picture with his camera.