Wednesday, April 30, 2008

A friend sent this late last night. Thought I'd share.

These are actual analogies and metaphors found in the essays of high school students.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

He spoke with wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

Her vocabulary was as bad, as, like, whatever.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

The hailstones leaped up off the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star crossed lovers raced across a grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a landmine or something. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids with power tools.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

She was as easy as the TV guide crossword.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

I'm still workin' on last weekends shots. Maybe post something later today. Huge plans this weekend. It'll be another busy one. We'll talk. Goin' to class. later.

5 comments:

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

very funny!

smiles, bee

TexasFred said...

Funny?? Yeah, it's funny...

Until you stop and think, these kids are products of our public education system and are the future leaders of this nation...

Like, wow, whatever...

Jerry said...

Those were great! Thanks for the laugh.

GUYK said...

"The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work."

BAWAHAHAHAHA I got a son-in-law that emulates Phil

Suldog said...

"The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work."

This does NOT belong with the others. This is absolute genius.