Sunday, June 20, 2010

Last Friday was a busy day.

First, I slept in (my summer schedule ROCKS) till about 9am. Then I drove to San Saba for my last Friday make-up day, making up for the fishing trip a while back. All I had to do was give a test, and it was a bitch of a test. The inmates (loosers) were pissin', lookin' up to me and askin' "Why do you do this to us?" I was like, "That's why they call it a TEST, motherfuckers." I love my job.

Thing is, the guards knew I needed to get out of there before count. I'd earlier told them I had a medical thing to get to. So they let me out early, as soon as the guys finished their test. I was out of there by 1:30pm, rather than 2:40, and home in plenty of time to change into some shorts and get to the hospital.

Then it was like this. "Step up on this scale." Yep, still 311lbs., and my blood pressure, and my temperature, and then "Here, change into this gown. Now, sit here and wait."

I checked out the implements of destruction, all laid out for the doctor. I checked out all the little labels on the drawers, particularly the one that said "Anal Scope." Jezus...

And then I waited some more...

And then some more. In all, about fifteen minutes. Not long in retrospect.

Here's the issue at hand, there between my fingers. I've had this cyst for many years. When I first realized it was there, the doc told me what it was, and that it's not cancerous. But it's annoying as hell sometimes. I end up sleeping on it now and then and wake up with a sure neck.

In time, the procedure began. They decided to sit me in the chair and have me lean over the bench. The nurse (who took these pictures, and did a wonderful job) swabbed the area to be cut, and then shaved it. The doc then gave me a shot to deaden the area.

Long story short (and many more pictures, which are all available here), in the space of 40 to 45 minutes or so, it was mostly over. He'd cut out the offending cyst...

Which ended up looking more like a big greasy, snotty lugy to me...

And he'd sewn up the hole, giving me a few stitches inside the hole to aid in healing.

That's my doc there, Paul Gerdes, and the nurse who assisted. I never got her name. Shame too. She did a wonderful job assisting, and took some awesome pictures too. Dr. Gerdes is a wonderful physician. I really lucked out when I showed up out of the blue all those years ago and drew him out of the hat.

After everything was done, with my neck bandaged, Denise and I were off to Temple. What, me go home and rest after surgery? Naaaaaa. I had plans. I had to turn in my laundry at the dry cleaners. Plus, it was my turn to pay for dinner, and the girls knew what they were in for.

The cooks at Dynasty were in rare form Friday night. Not only was the Gen. Tso's Chicken excellent, and the Shrimp-fried-rice, but they'd also knocked out some killer fried cream corn nuggets, and those fried chicken wings were wonderful too. Top it all off with an egg roll, and you've got a meal fit for a fat hairy bastard.

After cleaning this plate I went back for more of those corn nuggets. I just can't get too many of those. Then we were off, back to mom's house for an after dinner tipple. By then, the bandage the nurse had stuck to the back of my neck was coming unstuck from my sweat, and the bandage was full of blood. We found some bandages at mom's and replaced the soiled one with a new one, but then it didn't last long ether.

No, we didn't go home after leaving mom's. We needed to go to Sam's. We wandered around there for an hour or so, picking up some essential shit. You know, a HUGE box of Ritz crackers, and a big can of coffee, and a few crates of diet green tea, and a few other things. In the end, I had to re up. Turns out mom had earlier re upped and she'd canceled the card that dad had carried around. That's the one I had. I kept it. It has his picture on it, but now I have my own, $40 later.

After getting out of there, around 9PM, it was time to head home. By the time we got there, my second bandage had come off my neck, again, from my own sweat, and it was also filled with blood. I have some pills and a first-aid kit, but it turned out that all my friggin' pills were expired! I guess I just don't get sick often enough.

I used my most recently expired Tylenol, took two, and let Denise put Neosporin on the wound and then a makeshift bandage. It all worked out beautifully. I slept like a stone Friday night, and then woke up to find the bandage still on , and the wound healing nicely.

This is what it looked like after my shower, Saturday afternoon. It'd been about 24 hours since the cutting, and the wound was healing up nicely. I told Denise it looked like she'd gotten a bit too enthusiastic in the sack, giving me a little love bite. I decided that's the story I'd tell everyone. Well, everyone who isn't reading this blog anyway.

We went out to eat Saturday night too, this time to a little German place in Lampasas. But that's another story. Anyway, I'm healin' up fine. Feel great. There's BBQ ribs in the oven as we speak, cookin' slowly, so you know we'll eat well tonight too. Denise is out sunnin' herself in the back yard, and I'm here, workin' on pictures and doin' laundry. Typical Sunday.

I hope y'all had a great weekend, and that you dads had a great day today. You all deserve it. Cheers!


Christina LMT said...

You crack me up! You go from pictures of your cyst, to pictures of your dinner! :D

Glad to hear you're healing up well, hope you've had a great Sunday!

Sarge Charlie said...

Happy for you that the test was clean, cancer sucks.

311 pounds and another plat full of food, time to start taking care of you self my friend.

Dave K said...

'Tis but a flesh wound! (For all of y'all that remember Monty Python and the Holy Grail)

I've been lucky to not have had any surgeries ever to this point(Knock on wood) unless you count a couple of very stubborn teeth. Looks like it went well and I have to admit, that's a bigger chunk O flesh than I expected.

FHB said...

Christina - Yea, I knew that would be too much for some folks, but I don't get to go to that restaurant every Friday any more, like I did with dad. I was on a mission.

Sarge - I hear ya man. I think about that all the time.

Dave K - Love the quote. And yea, me too, up to now. My first time under the knife, not counting wisdom teeth.

BRUNO said...

Faa-a-a-a! That's nothin' more than a shaving-nick! I oughtta' show ya' MY "collection"!☺

Dave K. has it right! Kinda like the Kings' "horse", after he was shot by an arrow, and threatened with being finished-off:

"I think I'm getting better, now!"....!

FHB said...

"Just a flesh wound..." Gotta wait till Friday to have the stitches pulled out. You got some pliers? Comin' to Texas any time soon? I didn't think so.

Mushy said...

Don't believe I could have eaten the General after just seeing that alien!

Jerry in Indiana said...

Is it just me, or does that cyst look a bit like the chicken that you later ate? Maybe we ARE what we eat. Just a thought.

Heal well, FHB!

BRUNO said...

Still think ya' should've kept it for scarin' Denise around the house! It'd made one helluva paperweight!

And I hate to admit, it DOES look just like "The General" to ME, too!

"Just a flesh-wound..." OK, I had THAT part out-of-synch with the play-script, didn't I?

I got a set of side-cutters that I use for clippin'-an'-yankin' ingrown toenails! They'd work fine! (Don't worry---I'll wipe-'em off on my shirt-tail, first!)

And, I wouldn't need go far to get to TEXAS---it's just that YOUR part of the state(country!)of Texas would be a three-day road trip, for ME!

An' I'd STILL be only half-way across the damned-state of such...!!!