Wednesday, April 14, 2010

I feel like shit today...

For reasons I won't go into. Suffice to say, I feel like I'm facing choices, roads, none of whom I want to take. Nether of the two obvious options that seem to be staring up at me are acceptable to me. So, I guess I'll just take the shit that's being tossed, duck and cover, like always, and soldier on, even though it leaves me feeling castrated and empty. It's just the only way I know how to do things. A life's training is a fast train' to try to jump from.

Oh, I guess I'm just tired right now. I got about three hours of sleep last night. Got up at 6:45 to shower, dress and head to work, and won't get back home tonight till after pool league play is over, maybe by 11:30 PM.

I don't think life is supposed to be like this, or is it? I don't know. I only know my heart. It's just about the only thing I have control over any more. But then even that is proving to be an illusion.

You know how, when you're reeling through the ups and downs of a relationship, the old music you've heard a million times can suddenly sound new and brilliantly clear to you? It's like they're talking directly to you? I was walkin' through a store a while back and heard this one again.

I almost started ballin' right there in Dillard's. It surprised the hell out of me. I made sure no one saw the emotions in my face. Then I'd have to explain the feelings. God knows what that would lead to? Certainly not a resolution. That's nowhere in sight.

Sometimes I think I was better off sittin' in my room and lettin' life pass me by, but that's just silly. I'd never go back there. That life almost destroyed my soul. The memories of that time make this pain easier to bare, but the baring of it... it's tedious in the EXTREME.

So indulge me in a little musical interlude, to restore and fuel my soul for the rest of the day.

OK, I guess I feel a bit better. Anyway, back to work. The library's closing. Cheers!


Mushy said...

Unfortunately, life is gonna hurt you regardless of what state you're in...believe me. You just have to make up your mind which state of hurt is the worst.

Most of life is joy and happiness, or at least should be, but there's still going to be those days when nothing feels worth the trouble.

Then there are those days far down the road where you wouldn't have had it any other way.

Bottom line is, when you sitting in that old rocker on the old folks home porch, don't let "i wish I had" thoughts ruin your naps. Do it all, taste it all, lov'em all, say it all, see it all NOW before it's too late.

BRUNO said...

MUSHY gives pretty good advice on this situation.(And it's FREE!)

Here's MY free-opinion. "Tweak"-it, as you feel necessary:

"You're a man who's traveled all his life---both childhood & adult. As we ALL age, we usually tend to become more sentimental, generally in stages. And we tend to make our travels closer to home, with each stage, because THAT is where we feel the safest. Nothing wrong with that."

And the line of MUSHY'S---"Then there are those days far down the road where you wouldn't have had it any other way."---now THAT'S "golden"!(Even if you WISH it could've been different.)

Which brings me to close with a quote from Red Skelton: "I don't know where I've been, or what I've done---but I wouldn't have missed it for the world!"

I'd been wanting to use that quote on someone for many years, now---and YOU are the lucky recipient...!

Suldog said...

I'll give you some advice that might sound trite, but it's the truth. Every valley we enter is followed by a hill. It takes a little work to get up the hill, but once you get up there it's beautiful. You look back on where you were and you say, "Man, I thought I was in the worst place ever, but now I see it took going through that to get me to this great place I'm in."

All bad times pass. All bad things end. The most important thing is to make sure you're still around once they do.

I obviously don't know the full of what it is you're going through, but I'll offer up a general sort of prayer, my friend. Keep your chin up.

RT said...

Life Without The Blues would be about as interesting as a A World Without Tears.

Embrace The Suck My Freind.

FHB said...

Thanks guys. I really needed to hear all of that from all of you. Everything is better now. For how long, who knows? Take it one day at a time. But thanks again. Thanks for the wisdom.