Thursday, March 31, 2011

Worked on the base today.

Got a pass to drive on Ft. Hood yesterday afternoon and worked as a librarian at an elementary school on base today. Again, I had a great time, learning all kinds of new things and meeting new people. That's become the standard operating procedure with this substitute teaching gig.

Part of my duties included sitting in a nice big rocking chair and reading a book to a few classes of kindergartners who were sprawled out on a rug in front of me. I've done that before, back when I spent two and a half weeks as a kindergarten aide at another school.

The book I read was a cute little story called Muncha! Muncha! Muncha! It's about a guy who decides to build a vegetable garden so he can eat all the veggies, and then ends up with endless trouble from rabbits. They sneak into his garden every night, no matter what he does. He builds a low wire fence, but the bunnies just jump over it. He builds a taller wooden fence, but it doesn't do any good. He builds a friggin' MOAT around the wooden fence, but the bunnies swim it, climb the wooden fence and eat his carrots anyway. Muncha! Muncha! Muncha!

In the end, he builds a jail around his carrots, with razor wire and spot lights. The bunnies can't get in, so they trick the guy. They climb into his basket when he's not looking and he ends up taking them in himself. So, the story ends with the gardener giving up, sitting down with the bunnies and sharing the carrots. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, seems to be the moral of the story. Weeell, after my second reading, to the second group of kindergartners, I was just DYIN' to freestyle my own ending to the story. Somethin' about a pump action .22, or better yet...

"Hey kiddies, do you know why the gardener is having so much trouble with those pesky bunnies? Well, boys and girls, the reason he's having so much trouble, waistin' all that time and energy buildin' moats and runnin razor wire... It's because he's a CITY BOY! That's right boys and girls, country folks know how to deal with pesky little bunnies who try to steal food they haven't worked for."

"Do you know how the country folks deal with the pesky bunnies boys and girls? That's right, it's called a LEG TRAP! Set out a few of those spring-loaded little wonders boys and girls, and Snap! Snap! Snap! The bunnies would end up gutted and skinned, cooked up nice so the farmer has something else to go with his carrots."

"And what's the moral of the story," I'd continue. "That's right boys and girls, don't steal shit from country folks!

Anyway, I was just thinkin'. But it would'a been hilarious to hear them all squeal.

"Snap! Snap! Snap!" Aaaahahahahahaha!

Oh, and Mushy, no Ferdinand in the school library. The other librarian said she'd heard of it. Remembered reading it as a kid, but it's not in their catalog. I looked. Cheers!


Mushy said...

Well, at least you tried...but that's a good one too!

BRUNO said...

Nah. Stick with the pump .22---I don't "go" with traps. Well, maybe for some stupid-assed HUMAN, just to get his attention!☺

Machinist-buddy of mine once made what he called a "Twin-50", out of two Ruger 10/22's.

In a nutshell, he custom-made a frame that held both in-parallel, with one ejecting up, and the other down. Both had 50-round banana clips---hence the "50"-designation.

Activation of both-triggers, in alternate-succession, was accomplished by a cut-down camshaft, from a Kohler small engine.

At first, he used a 12-volt wiper motor to turn the cam---but opted for a simple hand-crank, in the end. Had a 360°-swivel fixture made too, so's he could clamp the whole-thing on the side-lip of his truck bed.

And I hereby swear to GOD, this ain't just a tale---it's TRUE!!!

That, and damned if it didn't work, too! And, pretty-accurately, to-boot!

Expensive as hell on ammo, though...!!!

*Goddess* said...

Isn't Ferdinand about a bull and a bee? Or do I have my kids' books confused?

FHB said...

That's it. Check this out.

*Goddess* said...

Ahh once again the internet eliminates the need to read...LOL!