Monday, February 08, 2010

Remember this?

Weeeeall, You think that's a knife? That ain't a knife. I got somethin' fo yo ass!

HEEEEEERE's a knoif!

I've wanted one of these dudes for years, seein' em in many different catalogs for at least ten or fifteen years. Well, I finally made the plunge.

It arrived the other night. I took it out of the box and couldn't believe how big it really was. It's way over the top. Kinda silly. I started to talk myself into sending it back. Then I took it in to work, down to Florence, to show it to Dave (Willingham).

He went ape shit on me. Loved it! I told him I was probably gonna send it back and he was shocked. He looked at me like I was crazy and said "What? Do I need to slap you?"

He said I needed to keep it. It's like the knife Sam Elliott carried in that old TV movie, "The Sacketts". He eventually decided that I needed to name it "Sackett", the way a Viking would name his sword.

Later that day, I guess this was last Tuesday, I still had the thing in my trunk when I drove onto the base to teach class. Of course, that was a HUGE no no. Not as huge a no no as the .45 in the back seat pocket, but still a no no. I was nervous about driving on the base with all that gear, but I went ahead and tossed the dice.

Something was tellin' me not to do it. Sure enough, the car directly in front of mine was selected to me inspected. I took a big drag on my cigar, showed the guard my ID and drove onto the base, sure that God was sending me a message. "Boy," he was sayin', "you're a fuckin' idiot!"

Yea, I know. Never again. I'll be good from now on. Promise.

Anyway, I drove over to the new building we're teachin' in, got to class and everything was cool. At break time, half way through my first class I went upstairs to where Dave (Waters) was teaching his Geology class. I told him, with a funny look on my face, that I had somethin' in the trunk to show him.

"What?" he asked, smilin'. "Contraband," I said, with a eyebrow lifted for dramatic effect. He bit hard. He later told me that he'd convinced himself I must have a new AK in the car. He shook his head and looked at me like I was crazy for bringin' anything on the base. I said "Yea, I know," and went back to class.

When his class ended, he dropped into my class and told me he'd be goin' over to the old building to talk to Joe. Joe Reeves is one of the regulars at our big shoots. He's the guy with the FFL and the AR pistol. I told Waters that was cool. I wouldn't be long.

Next thing you know, Joe is texting me in class, asking me "Why are all the MPs surrounding your car?" I smiled to myself and continued the lecture. Turns out they were both right outside my class, gigglin' like kids, hopin' I'd jump up in a panic. But I knew what was up.

When my class was over I walked out and met up with Waters. We both drove over to the old building and found Joe standing out by the road. Their curiosity was peaked. I almost think they were let down when they saw that the mystery item was just a knife. They were still impressed with it though.

Like I said, the sheath is crap. It needs a lot of work. Maybe I'll just make another one. I'm also thinkin' about doin' somethin' with the handle. I think a nice horn nub would be cooler than the cheap wood that's there now. I'll have to look into it.

Anyway, dig it. Ain't it cool? Just wait till I'm done with it. It'll be way cooler. Way! Cheers!


Suldog said...

How long does it have to be before it qualifies as a sword? :-)

BRUNO said...

I LOVE that deranged-"look" you have, there! Make a nice avitar!

Hmm. A goalies' mask would be a nice complement, too...???

FHB said...

Sully - About this long, but why quibble?

Bruno - Yea, it brings the deranged looks out of me. The Hockey mast would be over the top. Yea, THAT would be over the top. Not this.

Scott said...

Looks like you'll be field dressing some crocs real soon.

FHB said...

Scott - Gaters around these parts padna, and rustlers.

Jerry in Indiana said...

Good lord, that's a knife all right!