Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Now, on a MUCH lighter note...



Ok, I don't care who you are, that's friggin' hilarious. Thanks to Dudley for posting this and letting me steal it.

And some tastefully dirty jokes, for your pleasure...

Several cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex positions.

After listening to the pros and cons of the various ones brought up, one of the cowboys finally says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."

"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," says another.

"Neither have I," says a third.

"What is it?"

"Well, it's where you get your girlfriend down on all fours, and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands, and you whisper in her ear, 'Boy, these feel just like your sister's'.

Then you try to hold on for 8 seconds.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Joe was retiring after 45 years of delivering mail.

On his retirement day he goes to deliver mail as usual, but folks are giving him going away gifts.

At the first house he gets a fruit cake, a gift card to The Red Lobster, and a cellphone.

At the second house he gets the same.

At the third house he sees the newly married woman waiting for him in a silk robe. She takes him up into the bedroom and she screws him every which way until he says that they have to stop or he won't be able to walk. She goes downstairs and makes eggs and coffee. Under the coffee cup he finds a dollar.

When he's able to walk down, he eats the breakfast and drinks the coffee, noticing the dollar.

He asks her, "What's the dollar for?"

She replies, "Well, when I asked my husband what I should give you for your retirement, he said 'Screw him, give him a dollar!'"

11 comments:

Alex L said...

Ha, thats the best nutcracker i've ever seen, well apart from Hilary herself.

Unknown said...

I want that nutcracker!

Sarge Charlie said...

well what goes around comes around, now I am stealing the nutcracker.........

*Goddess* said...

That's my gal, Hil! Go, Hil! You rock! Besides most of the guys she's running against don't have balls anyway.

fuzzbert_1999@yahoo.com said...

Love the rodeo joke!

Christo Gonzales said...

the post man joke has a final tag at the end..."breakfast was my idea"

Chuck said...

OMG funny as hell!

J said...

You can get that nutcracker at Overstock.com! A friend of mine showed me a funny knife set on there, too. Go check out my page to see it.

Loved the postman joke, too!

BRUNO said...

Well, at least they didn't make her into a CIGAR cutter! Now THAT would have been "sensitive" in more ways than one!

I don't know---doesn't look like it would stand up to some of the "tougher-nuts"! And what would we do then, with a one-legged Hillary?

NAW! UH-UHH! Ain't goin' there, leavin' that one to YOU....!

Shrink Wrapped Scream said...

I love your funnies, keep 'em coming!

david mcmahon said...

Given my background in classical music ...

Nutcracker Suite